100 Mostly Irrelevant Things About Me

1. I grew up in Podunk.
2. My great-grandmother was full blood Cherokee.
3. I have forgotten my wife’s birthday…twice.
4. I have been shot at … twice.
5. The two items immediately above this one are not related.
6. My first car was a 1973 Capri.
7. Some of my favorite books are children’s books.
8. I almost died in a military aircraft accident…twice.
9. I had a pet alligator when I was a child. It escaped.
10. One of my relatives was killed by an alligator.
11. I hope that the two items immediately above this one are not related.
12. At one time I grew giant pumpkins as a hobby.
13. I was once the first person on the scene at a bloody head-on collision on a rural road.
14. I’m not really 104 even though my blog profile says that I am. (I only feel that old.)
15. I bought my first house when I was 16 years old. I sold it one week later for an 80% profit.
16. I was mugged on the streets of London.
17. I was almost responsible for a man being shot by President Carter’s Secret Service agents. Oops.
18. Due to my propensity to be interested by a wide range of disciplines, I managed to take 220 college hours before ever receiving my undergraduate degree.
19. I was a kindergarten drop-out.
20. My first real kiss was at church camp.
21. I got a spanking at my seven year old birthday party for pretending to hang myself.
22. I presently drive a convertible.
23. My favorite color recently changed from blue to scarlet.
24. I can recall the color of the dress worn by my date to my senior prom 26 years ago, but I cannot remember what I had for dinner last night.
25. It’s embarrassing, so don’t tell anyone, but I really like those old Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies
26. I married an exotic dancer.
27. I have swam in a spring-fed river while there was snow on the ground.
28. My first pet was a billy-goat named Timmy.
29. I once slept for twenty-four straight hours without being under the influence of anything other than a very busy schedule.
30. My favorite food is a vine-ripened tomato.
31. My favorite drink is raw milk straight from the cow.
32. My favorite musician is Luke Garrett and my second favorite is Robert Cray.
33. I once climbed Mount Baldy near Glorietta, NM in the pitch black of night.
34. I think people who have snakes for pets are a bit creepy.
35. I won a beauty contest.
36. My favorite restaurant is Fred and Red’s in Joplin, MO.
37. The first magazine I ever subscribed to was the Weekly Reader. The next three were Field & Stream, Science Digest, and Newsweek.
38. The first “big” book I ever read was Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.
39. I have lived in four states that begin with the letter “M”. In alphabetical order I have lived in Arizona, Arkansas, Georgia, Iceland, Oklahoma, Maryland, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, and Texas.
40. When I married Susan I stopped watching sports on television. Her family had been big sports fans and she had always felt left out because she had no interest in television sports. I did not want her to feel left out in her own home so for the first twelve years of our marriage I never watched one game on television, until this year …
41. I recently participated in Wes Kenney’s NFL Picks contest and had a better pick record than any of the ESPN experts.
42. I quit my first adult job because they would not give me a nickel raise per hour. I could not have cared less about the nickel, it was the principal of the thing.
43. I have once or twice pretended not to notice my child’s dirty diaper so my wife would change it.
44. I admire homeschoolers greatly, but I do not think it is the best option for my family.
45. My garage is a horrible, horrible mess.
46. I would rather preach at a funeral than administer a wedding.
47. I have clothes in my closet that are at least fifteen years old. And, I still wear them.
48. For two years I was the Master of Ceremonies for my high school’s talent contest. That was the last time I was master of anything.
49. My family started the first Baptist church in Texas back when it was part of Mexico and illegal to do so.
50. I try not to think of people who attend opera as stuffy and pretentious. I try.
51. I’m not sure exactly what my idea of a perfect day would be, but I would think it a really good day to rise early to drink really, really hot coffee while sitting next to Grand Lake of the Cherokees chatting with my wife while watching the sun rise above the horizon. Followed by several hours of quiet/private reading time and devotions. Then, wading and swimming with the kids and then all piling into my convertible for a trip to town for ice cream. Then a relaxing nap with an old fashioned water cooler blowing directly on me and a soft old ratty quilt to keep away the chill. Then, rising to grill some really nice steaks while the kids run and play on a giant lawn. An early evening watching a silly movie with the kids, and a late evening giving my wife a back rub.
52. I love to laugh out loud, and do so frequently, but very rarely around anyone except my wife and children.
53. I do not like to talk on the phone.
54. I once applied for a job with the CIA. I could tell you about it, but then I’d have to kill you.
55. When I baptized my son, Parker, in Lake DeGray, I did not get the very top of his head under the water, so I dunked him a second time.
56. I traded name identification cards with another student at my junior college graduation so that they announced our names wrong to those assembled.
57. I have experienced betrayal by someone I considered to be a close friend. It hurts.
58. I have been to the emergency room within the last twelve months.
59. I enjoy immensely a steaming hot cup of coffee on a cold morning.
60. I have noodled catfish with my bare hands.
61. The most valuable class I have ever taken was “Typing.”
62. I was valedictorian of my high school class.
63. I own more books than the Library of Congress (well, … maybe not).
64. Almost 40 years later, I can still taste the last unripened persimmon I bit into.
65. My three siblings and I all graduated from different high schools.
66. My third child was almost born in the car on the way to the hospital.
67. I enjoy the company of those with whom I have little in common.
68. I have fallen asleep while driving, bathing, talking, and eating but never while doing all four at the same time.
69. After working to get into West Point, I declined the offer of a Congressional Appointment because I was in a relationship with a girl.
70. I make up and tell my kids a new pirate story almost every night at the dinner table. Argh! Matey.
71. I once fought a battle with the biggest-baddest Water Moccasin that ever lived. I finally admitted defeat and retreated after a 10 minute struggle.
72. In college, I once went out with five different girls, on five consecutive nights and took them to the same restaurant where I was waited on by the same really cute waitress every time. I invited the waitress out on a date but she declined for some reason.
73. I once had William Estep yell at me when I accused the Anabaptists of being crisis theologians.
74. On most days, if I had a choice between taking a nap and meeting the President of the United States, I would opt for the nap.
75. I have on more than one occasion believed that I perceived an unseen presence while sitting with someone as they died.
76. I sometimes regret that I never became a famous movie star.
77. While playing golf in Joplin, MO I once hit the city manager’s car with a bad slice off the tee box.
78. I hate to fly, and have not been in an airplane since September 11, 2001.
79. During one period of my life I lived almost exclusively on popcorn, pickels and buttermilk.
80. I own a Xena, Warrior Princess doll.
81. One of the most prized possessions I ever owned was a first edition 1848 edition of Edwin Wilhelm Hengstenberg’s Dissertations on the Genuineness of Daniel. I gave it away to a beloved friend back in 1993 and today I get much more pleasure from seeing it on the shelf in his living room than I ever got from owning it myself.
82. I once rode the subway from East Point, GA all the way to Buckhead just to get an apple-cinnamon yogurt.
83. I have had lots of “rides” but my favorite was a Suzuki GS 550L.
84. I have seen a bear in the wild.
85. I don’t believe in ESP, but I do believe the world and people are much more interconnected than we understand.
86. During my first pastorate the little old ladies in the congregation called me “Brother Honey.” (That moniker should be read with a gentle southern accent.)
87. I learned more about covert operations while working with a church youth group than I did in four years in the Air Force.
88. I’m claustrophobic, so please move back just a little from your computer monitor.
89. I watch the movie Groundhog Day over, and over, and over, and over, and ……..
90. If I was going to write a parable about my life it would begin something like, “Once upon a time there was a pinball machine…”
91. I like kaleidoscopes.
92. I have never been to a bachelors party, but I did host a book shower for one of my students who was getting married.
93. When I write for publication I always try to include a few sentences that are quotable.
94. I once knew a Special Forces guy that I thought made James Bond look like a wimp.
95. My favorite toys as a child were little plastic cowboys and Indians.
96. I was told as a child that I did not sing well. So, I stopped singing out loud and rarely sing in public to this very day. However, I make up little songs that I sing to my wife and kids daily. (”O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice To slander music any more than once.” Much Ado About Nothing, act II, scene III)
97. I sometimes judge a book by its cover.
98. In the fifth grade I told my social studies teacher to beware because I was a werechicken. Afterwards, I was stuck with the nickname “Chicken” until my family moved to another town.
99. I like lists.
100. I am married to the most beautiful, exciting, intelligent, witty, understanding woman I have ever known (yes, she reads my blog).