Kevin Stilley

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September 2, 2013 by kevinstilley

Bated Breath, or Baited Breath?

Cruel Clever Cat

by Geoffrey Taylor

Sally, having swallowed cheese,
Directs down holes the scented breeze,
Enticing thus with baited breath
Nice mice to an untimely death.

Filed Under: Blog, Humor Tagged With: English, Humor, language, poetry

July 10, 2009 by kevinstilley

Church Bloopers

You have probably seen the following list of Bloopers that actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services. I have seen them more than a few times myself. However, I get a kick out them every time I see them so I share them here and hope you get a few chuckles out of them.

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’
The sermon tonight:’Searching for Jesus.’

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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

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Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday:
‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

__________

RELATED CONTENT

Bible Misprints

Anguished English

Attracted to Homophones

Filed Under: Blog, Humor, Wordplay Tagged With: Bloopers, Funny Mistakes, language, language games, Richard Lederer, Wordplay

November 1, 2008 by kevinstilley

English Language Trivia

The vocabulary of the average person consists of 5,000 to 6,000 words

Of all the words in the English language, the word “set” has the most definitions.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.

__________

Book Cover

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Blog, language, language games, linguistics, Trivia, verbavore, word games

May 26, 2008 by kevinstilley

Ulysses S. Grant – Select Quotes

Ulysses S. GrantThe right of revolution is an inherent one. When people are oppressed by their government, it is a natural right they enjoy to relieve themselves of the oppression, if they are strong enough, whether by withdrawal from it, or by overthrowing it and substituting a government more acceptable.
~ in Personal Memoirs, vol. 1

I never learned to swear. When a boy I seemed to have an aversion to it, and when I became a man I saw th folly of it. I have always noticed, too, that swearing helps to rouse a man’s anger; and when a man flies into a passion his adversary who keeps cool always gets the better of him. In fact, i could never see the use of swearing. I think it is the case with many people who swear excessively that they do not mean to be profane; but, to say the least, it is a great waste of time.
~ quoted in Cigars, Whiskey, and Winning Leadership Lessons, p. 9

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: anger, Army, Blog, Civil War, Confederate, Fighting, General, language, Leadership, President, Quotes, Ulysses S. Grant, Union, War

March 14, 2008 by kevinstilley

Less Profanity Means More Money

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Blog, box office, children, language, Movies, PG, theater

Recent Blog Posts

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  • The Bible – select quotes
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  • Christian Involvement In Politics
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  • Kevin Stilley on For Christ and Culture Radio
  • Early Western Civilization classroom resources
  • Early Western Civilization Final Exam

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