Quotes from the real Andy Griffith —
“You know when you’re young you think you will always be, … As you become more fragile, you reflect and you realize how much comfort can come from the past.”
“I was baptized alongside my mother when I was 8 years old. Since then I have tried to walk a Christian life, … And now that I’m getting older I realize that I’m walking even closer with my God.”
“Hymns can carry you into the future….Hymns are companions for life travelers.”
And, now some quotes from the show:
Andy: “Mornin’ ladies, my goodness don’t you look happy. Must be cuttin’ somebody up pretty good.”
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Briscoe Darling : “…if ya got time to breathe, ya got time for music…”
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Barn: “All wild creatures shy away from anything with man smell. You want to bait your trap for a tiger or somethin’ like that, main rule is…never touch the food with your hands.”
Andy: “That’s good to know…next time I go tiger huntin’, I’m gonna take my tweezers.”
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Andy: “Statistics say that there are 4 1/2 needy boys per square mile.”
Opie: “Ain’t never seen one of those before…”
Andy: “What, a needy boy?”
Opie: “Nope, a half of one…”
Andy: “No, Opie, that’s a ratio.”
Opie: “Horatio who?”
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Barney : “The last big buy was my mom’s and dad’s anniversary present.”
Andy : “What’d ya get ’em?”
Barney : “A septic tank.”
Andy : “For their anniversary?”
Barney : “They’re awful hard to buy for. Besides, it was something they could use. They were really thrilled. It had two tons of concrete in it. All steel reinforced.”
Andy : “You’re a fine son, Barn.”
Barney : “I try.”
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Aunt Bee: “Did you like the white beans you had for supper? “
Andy: “Uh huh.”
Aunt Bee: “Well, you didn’t say anything.”
Andy: “Well, I ate four bowls. If that ain’t a tribute to white beans, I don’t know what is.”
Aunt Bee: “Well…”
Andy: “Eating speaks louder than words.”
Aunt Bee: “You know, your education was worth every penny of it.”
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Andy: “ …nothing like the taste of sawdust from the bottom of the ice truck. Somethin’s gone out of life since then, you know it, Aunt Bee?”
Aunt Bee: “Uh-huh. Typhoid.”
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Andy: “Ernest T, you’re not stupid, you’re just ignorant.”
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Aunt Bee: “Opie, we need to go see about getting you some new jeans. “
Andy: “Again? I swear that boy goes through jeans like he was wearing sandpaper underwear.”
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Andy: “Aren’t they a little young to start history? “
Aunt Bee: “I guess not. There’s more of it these days.”
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Aunt Bee: “Opie, you need to go next door and see Floyd about a haircut.”
Opie: “But Aunt Bee, those little hairs get down my neck and they itch like crazy. “
Aunt Bee: “Well, after the haircut, go home and take a bath.”
Opie: “Wow, a haircut and a bath the same day. This is turning out worse than I thought.”
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Opie: “But Aunt Bee, he kicked me right in the pit of my back. “
Aunt Bee: “Tomorrow I’ll rub it down with some witch hazel.”
Opie: “Witch hazel makes my eyes water.”
Aunt Bee: “Okay, you won’t see so well, but you’ll feel better.”
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Andy: “There are worse things than being a stupid hic. Like a hungry one.”
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Otis: “Oh no Andy. I’m stone cold sober. But I spect I’ll get over it”
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Briscoe Darlin: “Thought about killin’ him, kinda hated to go that far.”
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Barney: “Well, there were these folks and … well how else were they gonna get emancipated unless they had a proclamation. So they got themselves a proclamation and they called it the Emancipation Proclamation. I’m surprised at you not knowin’ that Anj.”
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Barney: “Ain’t he got chicken spelled wrong?”
Andy: “No, it’s right.”
Barney: “You sure?”
Andy: “Yeah, it’s ‘i before e except after c and e before n in chicken’.”
Barney: “Oh yeah, I always forget that rule.”
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Bobby Fleet: “If they had a beauty contest in this town nobody would win.”
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Floyd: “You know, everyone complains about the weather but nobody does anything about it. Calvin Coolidge said that.”
Andy: “No, Floyd, that wasn’t Calvin Coolidge that said that, it was Mark Twain. “
Floyd: “Then what did Calvin Coolidge say?”
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Floyd: “You know who said that…my latin teacher in barber college”.
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Goober: “Helen, is there anything wrong with my eyes, you’re a teacher. “
Andy: “Why don’t you ask Floyd, he’s a barber.”
Andy: “There’s nothing wrong with your eyes, Goober. “
Goober: “How do you know?”
Andy: “Cause I’m the sheriff.”
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Barney: “Well, today’s eight-year-olds are tomorrow’s teenagers. I say this calls for action and now. Nip it in the bud. First sign of youngsters going wrong, you’ve got to nip it in the bud.”
Andy:” I’m going to have a talk with them. What else do you want me to do? “
Barney: “Well, don’t just mollycoddle them.”
Andy: “I won’t.”
Barney: “Nip it. You go read any book you want on the subject of child discipline and you’ll find every one of them is in favor of bud-nipping.”
Barney: “If there’s anything that upsets me, it’s having people say I’m sensitive.”
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Barney: “Oh, you’re just full of fun today, aren’t you? Why don’t we go up to the old people’s home and wax the steps?”
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Andy: “Hold still, Mr. Darling, while I put on your tie.”
Briscoe Darling: “Ever since I saw a hangin’, I been nervous about wearin’ one of these things.”
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